"Real" Parents

Once upon a time, when Lily was 1 year old or so, I happened into a conversation with a mom whose two daughters were in preschool.  She asked whether I had children and I proudly replied that yes, I had one daughter.  She answered, "Well, you know you're not a real parent until you have two."  I was more than a little offended, already having been up my share of sleepless nights and still feeling, at times, like the selflessness of parenting was just a wee bit too much to ask.  When we welcomed our third little one into our family, I will admit that I sort of wanted to run into her at Target or something and inform her that actually, it turns out that you're not a real parent until you have three.  It's probably good that I haven't run into her yet :).

Not long ago I was again reflecting/shaking my head at that "information" and realized that, though I would never say it to anyone with children either less in number or younger than mine, a thread of what she said is actually true.  At least for me.  

When Lily was born, I was overwhelmed with the life-rocking change those all-nighters, first colds, nursing issues, feelings of helplessness, and this brand new thing called required selflessness brought.  Of course, I loved my sweet girl.  But life had changed dramatically and for the first time I was required to give a whole lot more than I got.  The parenting experience began to build in me a character that nothing else could have, and I'm so grateful. 

What I did not expect was the yearly-monthly-weekly-daily challenges in parenting that continue to "grow" me.  What I am learning now (struggling through!) as a parent is much deeper and wider than those first couple years.  Don't get me wrong.  Knowing what to do and whose advice to take and whether or not quitting nursing was going to have a permanent effect on my tiny baby was a big deal.  At least it seemed like it at the time.  

Now, I realize that the mistakes I make will have an effect on who my children will be, at least to a degree.  There were times in those first couple years when I thought, "At least she won't remember this!"  I can't say that anymore.  I am held much more accountable for making sure my words match my actions, for many eyes are watching...and many hearts are learning.  I must rely on my heavenly Father for much more wisdom and patience and forgiveness than I ever imagined I'd need.  I am so grateful for my husband/teammate and am even more grateful for God's design of two parents.  (Hey, if we're screwing this up, we're doing it together!)  

I am unimaginably in love with these little people God has given me for a time - such a brief time, really.  And lately, I'm just feeling the weight of the responsibility that was included in those special packages.  As a Christian, I can see the bigger picture too.  That God is working on me just as much as He is caring for my children.  I can see that they will need to know their Father in heaven too, the One who will never fail them and always make perfect choices for them.  And love them perfectly, just as He does me.  And so much more.  So, so much more!

Though I may not have expected it early on, I now totally expect that as we move through this parenting thing, as our children grow and change and develop into adults, I will continue to get wider and deeper as a parent.  I will look back at today and think, "Wow, those challenges weren't so bad!"  

But maybe that's why God starts our kids out as babies.  Because we're baby parents too, and we must grow and change and develop along with them.  I once joked with my dad when my parents were having teenager difficulties that it was really very tricky of God to give you kids in such sweet, innocent little packages.  You had no choice but to fall in love with them! 

But really, how else would God accomplish his good work in me?  I'm thankful - so thankful - that he has allowed me to be a parent and grow this way.  What a journey!